Shaq and I save the earth from M&Phils
submitted 7-5-17 by user Baloo the bear
I once was hiking trough the forest to take nature shots, as I do more often. This time I went into a region I didn’t know so well, but there were many mushrooms and beautiful coloured leaves. After a while I lost my orientation and I couldn’t find my way back to my bicycle. It became dark while I was panicking looking for something memorisable. It was then when I saw it.. A faint glow in the dark between the trees. I had no choice but going to it, as the mosquito I am. As I went closer I could see it… A McDonald’s… in the forest. “Wot” I thought. I went around it.. And in the gap of the Mcdrive I saw him. It was Shaq. “Shaq.. Wha- what are you doing here?! What is this?” “shhh Baloo, this is the one and only holy McDonald’s. I am here to take over McDonald guys job” How attentive I thought “shouldn’t you wish people a good day as you understand their statements?” “Baloo… Times are changing. This forest is the only place left which isn’t infected by the Dr.Phil M&M head’s. ” Oh my god.. ” I thought to my self “but where is McDonald’s guy now?” “He crashed his car after he and a white fellow tried to escape the Dr.Phil M&M head’s. He is now in a hospital, specialized in Dr.Phil M&M head injuries. I was glad he was okay. And Shaq too. ” bu.. But how come I’ve never seen these Dr.Phil things?” “Because you can only see them if you piss yourself” “I felt something warm on my legs. Pee flew down my jeans.. More and more became darker.” I had no questions. Of course it was magic that flew through this mystical forest. The last heaven on earth.
I asked Shaq, who was still stending in de Mcdrive gap. “But how will these ‘Dr.Phil m&m head’s kill you?” “Well my best fellow.. ” he stumbled.. Looking down. “It is not something I am proud of telling” he said with a soft deep voice. “These Dr.Phil m&m head’s or ‘m&phils’ will
respect you. Respect you real bad.” “What do you mean?” I said. “They will have so much respect for their target when they see it, for example you, that the target will receive too much brain activity and start having seizures.” “uhm, but seizures don’t kill you right Shaq?” “You’re right.. But when you got these seizures, you aren’t able to run away from them. They’ll start peeing on you… Well this wasn’t so bad, if their pee didn’t contain liquid boneless pizza, which kills you immediately on touch.” I was stunned and beheld his story with a gaping mouth. These m&Phils are worse than I thought. I was almost too scared to ask but I scraped enough bravery together and said “H- how do… They look?” “Their earth form is like a big M&M, about the size of a human. With arms and legs of Mickey Mouse and contain a giant face of Dr.Phil which covers their entire M&M.” I was almost about to pray for the lord and saviour. How amazed I was.
“We must make an end to this!” “Indeed, and now we have you. Quick! Gear up. We’re going to McDonald’s guy and the white fellow. They should be healed by now. Together we will defeat the m&Phils, and save the earth!”
~ The End?